(2002)
I spent four years in internal medicine residency and 38 years in private practice. During those years, I became involved with a lot of wonderful people who were in the process of dying. From them, I learned to sit down by their bedside rather than stand over them, as if I were always ready to leave. I learned to pull down the side rail so we weren’t separated by bars. I learned to hold their hands and listen to their fears and questions; but I also learned not to be afraid of silence. I prayed with them if they asked me to, and sometimes I cried with them. Still, nothing—absolutely nothing—prepared me for the months, not so long ago, when I sat by my wife and held her hand as she slowly faded from me.
When it is my turn to leave, I won’t have a spouse to sit by me and hold my hand. My hope is that this Caring Circle may make a dent in the pain and loneliness of those final days—-for the patients we shall adopt, and perhaps for ourselves when it’s time for us to let go. I think it could also be a period of growth and learning, as we exchange our experiences and feelings between us and at our monthly meetings.